Trouble Wiping My Butt

I was really having a hard time. Lately when I'm done in the bathroom, I'm dreading that simple hygienic ritual we all do of cleaning off the excess. A simple task made almost impossible due to recent circumstances.

No, it's not hemorrhoids. I've never had the opportunity to experience that, can't say I'm ever looking forward to that either. And it's not the dreaded runny poo, you know...the type you wipe and wipe and wipe and there is still something there...TMI? Ok. Sorry.

What the problem is is that every time I pull a wad of tp off of the roll, I find myself staring straight into the big brown eyes of a little puppy dog. Seriously. My wife brought home a different brand of tp than we normally buy. This stuff is Cottonelle Kids, which features various puppy dogs every few sheets, spaced by puppy paw prints to show kids how much tp to use.

Granted it's only a picture, but acknowledging that fact doesn't help it seem any less cruel when I realize that when I go to "tidy up" the poor puppy's face is going to be dragged through the...well...yeah, literally.

So the first few times, I really felt guilty taking this horrible action against a poor defenseless puppy dog who has never done anything ill towards me. It just doesn't seem right. Right?

But I think I have a solution to this guilt that I feel. You know how dogs are always sniffing your butt? And other people's butts? And other dog's butts? And really anything that has a butt? Well, they must like it, otherwise why would they be doing that all the time? So from the puppy's point of view, I'm really just doing him a favor.