Anger Management?
Well I have another theory.
Things have been going quite well for us as of late, we found a house, made a bid, it was accepted, and it looks like we will have no problem selling our house. (People have already been in to see it, and liked it quite well.)So this means things have been looking positive around here lately, which is good for a moody guy like me.
Then today our youngest son was riding his bike around the yard. Now I have told him several times not to ride between the two cars in the yard, one being our car, the other being my work car. As you may have guessed he did not head my words of wisdom today, and now the car I drive for work has a very noticeable scratch on the driver’s side.
I was very angry, I still am. I will have to explain what happened to my boss, I will offer to pay for the repair, it’s just the right thing to do. Of course being 7 years old my son had forgotten later in the day how upset I was, and seemed to forget the seriousness of the situation, as he curled up next to me with his head on my shoulder and asked "What are you doing daddy?"
So now comes my theory; If I stay angry (as is my nature) am I simply inviting more negativity into my household, will my “I’m angry and have a right to be!” attitude bring more “bad luck” if you will?
Should I simply take a page from my son’s book and let it go, not that he will not be punished, but deal with it and move along? It’s harder for me than it sounds. I tend to stew on things, stay angry “go into my cave” as someone once said.
So, am I looking or trouble? Or am I just a moody old shit?
2 comments:
My advice would be to keep your feelings and your son's punishment separate. Think about the reason for punishing your son. Is it because you are seeking vengeance for putting you in the embarrassing and costly situation of explaining the scratch to your boss and repairing it? Of course not! The only reason for punishing your child is out of love and concern for them. You know that it is in his best interest to listen to you and obey (I know that's not a popular word these days) but it really is in his best interest to obey you because you are telling him things to help him stay out of trouble. By choosing to directly disobey you, he got himself into a bad situation and caused some damage. If he was let off scott free, how would he learn anything from it? By punishing him, you are reinforcing the lesson that our actions have consequences and teaching him a quality that is rare these days...responsibility.
As for the other part of this, your anger...forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do, we all struggle with that. But it is scientifically proven to be thereputic. The longer you hold on to your angry feelings the more damage is done. Not that you shouldn't feel angry at all, we can't help our feelings, but trying to resolve it as quickly as possible is in everyone's best interest.
You can be firm and unwavering in following through with his punishment and at the same time showing mercy by not dragging out the period of time you stay angry about it. Remember the end result that you really want is for your child to respect you without forgetting that you love him.
You could say something like this to your son for example if you think he has forgotten the seriousness of is mistake:
"Son, I was very disappointed that you chose to ignore my instruction about riding your bike between the cars. I am going to punish you because I want you to learn an important lesson that will help you in your life and teach you to be respectful of property that doesn't belong to you. I also want you to know that I love you and I have forgiven you, but that doesn't mean that you won't be punished, this is for your own good."
Then if later he "curls up next to you with his head on your shoulder and asks "What are you doing daddy?" you can be loving and hug him and tell him, "I'm giving my son a hug." Giving him a cold shoulder with the intention of making him feel bad again would be seeking revenge, and that is something you don't want to do as a parent. You want him to get the point and take it seriously but you don't want to crush his spirits.
It's not easy, is it? The hardest thing about having kids is being balanced. You HAVE to be firm and you HAVE to be loving and sometimes it seems that the two things are opposite of each other. It's HARD! And no one can do it perfectly. But it's not futile to try, just do the best you can.
I'm not a dad (yet) so I won't dare to offer my opinion in this topic, you have more experience than me in this "job". But I think that Oscar's comment is right.
Besides, remember Yoda's teachings:
"(Fear leads to Anger). Anger leads to Hate. Hate leads to suffering. The path to the Darkside, that is." :P
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