Is mouthwash poison?

I needed to take pill tonight and since I was in the bathroom I figured it was time for my monthly mouthwash. I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone so I popped the pill and washed it down with a minty shot of Scope. As soon as I swallowed, I remembered that you're supposed to spit the mouthwash back out. The things you forget when you don't use the mouthwash often enough. Anyways, I hope I didn't do any permanent damage. I already feel a bit light-headed...whoa...

Anyhoo, if I don't post here for a while its only because I'm dead.

Blowing Off the Cobwebs

I had this amazing idea for a book as I was driving home from work andd passing McNary Dam on the Columbia River. The whole history of the Army Corps of Engineers hydro-electric project is very interesting. On one hand, it drastically changed the Columbia River, in one place completely destroying a natural waterfall (Celilo Falls) and affecting the migration of salmon cutting them off from their native spawning grounds. On the other hand, the project provided a cheap, clean source of electricity and turned millions of acres of desert into lush farmland.

So I was just thinking that it might be a cool book to flesh out all of the details of the project and compare the effects, both pro and con. I would name the book "Dam: The Consequences."

Get it? "Dam: The Consequences." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...no?

Sigh.

Maybe I shoulda left this blog alone. :P

Practical Uses for Man-Boobs #1

Face the facts, fatty. You can suck the gut in and puff out the chest all you want, it isn't helping. It only makes more obvious the sad fact that you've got bonafide man-boobs. But don't worry, it's not all bad news. Despite popular opinion, man-boobs are not the shameful useless flabby sacks of saggy pectoral goo they are typically stereotyped as. And just to prove it, over the next few weeks, I intend to demonstrate several purposeful applications for your gravity-challenged teats and dispel the misleading myths muttered of migrating mammoth male mammaries. These are my Practical Uses for Man-Boobs--or--PUMB's if you will.

PUMB #1: Temporary Emergency Bottle Stopper.

I figured this one out last week as I was mowing the lawn. I arrived home from work and right away I hopped on the lawnmower, barely coming inside long enough to change clothes and say "hi" to the wife and kids. I fired it up and got started. After a few minutes, my wife emerged from the house like a dream offering me a frosty LaBatt's Blue. Have I ever mentioned how much I love my....beer. Haha, you thought I was going to say wife. Well, I love her too. Hi, Glory! But a cold Canadian beer was just what I needed at that moment.

It had been a pretty busy week and the watering of the grass had been a bit neglected, producing a few dusty dry patches around the edge of the yard. I was using my slanted blade on the riding mower, the one I use for sucking up all the dead leaves and debris, leaving the yard spotless. The problem is, that particular blade also stirs up all the dust. And when you're holding an open bottle of beer in your hand, dust is not your friend.

My first thought was to turn the mower off and wait until I was done with my beer to resume cutting the grass. But that didn't sit well with me. It was defeating the whole purpose of the luxury of having a riding lawn mower. I mean if you can't drink beer at the same time you are mowing your lawn, what's the point?

The dust continued to blow up in the air and my beer was at risk of becoming mud. Instinctively, I clutched the bottle closer. It fit snugly right under my left man-boob. It was perfect. The heavens opened and the angels sang. My beer was safe, sealed with my own 100%natural built-in bottle cap. When I reached an adequately watered section of lawn, I resumed drinking my beer, dust-free.

I feel sorry for really skinny guys. If they were in my situation, they would have had no options other than sticking the open bottle up in their armpit. And that's just gross. So that's just one great advantage of having man-boobs. And there will be more, as I continue this series on PUMB's.

Compelling argument about Global Warming

Starting a new month (almost to weeks later :P) I present you thise video of a guy who makes a very compelling argument in favor of taking action to prevent Global Warming and its consequences, in a way that doesn't need to argue the other side that doens't agree. It a well done reasoning and I agree with him. Take it a look.

http://www.break.com/index/tough-to-argue.html

You might agree or not with global warming, but if is the latter, take a couple of minutes to analyize what this guy said and then see if he is right or no. For me at least, the answer is yes.

At the Movies: Shrek the Third

There's only five minutes left in May so I thought I'd squeeze in one last post to help the count for the month. If you're looking for something to read with substance, this is not it. This is basically filler material. :D

Anyhoo...I saw a movie two weekends ago called Shrek the Third. It was pretty cool, you should go see it. How's that for a movie review? Not very good? Okay I'll expand on that a little I guess.

The good: The dream sequence. I won't tell you which part that is but I laughed my butt off. Seriously. It came right off. I had to crawl under my seat and peel it off the sticky movie theater floor. Good thing I always am near a supply of the handyman's secret weapon. Duct tape.

The bad: I'm sorry, I just don't appreciate cross dressing jokes, especially when I'm watching a movie with my young daughters. The wicked stepsisters are inappropriate humor for a movie that kids are watching, the voices are just...wrong. I'll never be able to look at Larry King the same way again. Less sexual deviants please, and more making fart bubbles in the bath. That's good stuff right there.

The ugly: It's Shrek. You go into the theater expecting lots of ugly. It's the ugly that makes the movie awesome. I know I can't be the only person who is tired of seeing movies starring perfect people with their perfect teeth and perfect hair, wearing their perfect clothes and driving their perfect cars...what was the movie I saw a few weeks ago, it had Toby Keith in it and the main actress was a single mom struggling to make ends meet who of course drove a shiny new Mustang and had perfect hair and nails...see what I'm talking about? It's not very realistic. Shrek the Third, even though it's all computer generated, speaks more to reality to me than most live action things coming out of Hollywood. Shrek helps me remember that reality isn't plastic surgery and airbrushed photos. Reality is having an itchy butt and getting baby puke on yourself.

At the Movies: Pirates of Caribbean: At World's End.

We are back (after a long hiatus), with another movie review. Once again I departed to take the sea with my trusty (and not so much backstabbers) mateys of the Lite Warrior House of the RAWS Society (yeah we like loooong titles). In our wet adventure we wintessed the conclusion of the saga (or at least until Disney's frozen head says soemthing) of the greatest pirate in the 7 seas ever: Capt. Jack Sparrow.

*Warning: Possible spoliers ahead*

Pirates 3 takes the story where the previous one (interesting fact: both movies were filmed at the same time in most of ths scenes) left: the surviving and guilty motley crew of the Black Pearl, helped by Capt. Barbossa and Tia Dalma, set on a mission to rescue Jack, since he is the key to save the pirate way of life from the greedy, blooded hands of Lord Cuttler Beckett who has no qualms in hanging kids or killing parents or using the Flying Dutchman as a nuke equivalent. But rescuing Jack is easier said than do and the movies has so many plot twist and backstabbing that you left wonder if all of this was a highly complicated ruse by Jack or just a massive bunch of coincidence, then again they are pirates and is Jack:

The Good: Capt. Jack Sparrow. He is the man that redefines the Cool Factor (tm) Scale. Only Batman is at that level than can freeze fire and use it as toothpick. he si back an more insane than ever. The scenes where he talks with himself can make alugh even rocks. And he still kick ass and gives you chills even if he is in the movie just for a half. He is the man, even in the last seconds of the movie. Heck even his rockstar dad makes an brief appearence that makes you wonder how that family can have such coolness in mere mortal genes. Other non-Jack good things are the bunch of plot twist that a clever spectator can deduce first, but are nicely explained later in the movie, the resolution of the Davy Jones plot, the massive backstabbing and the incredible last battle at the sea. And all the characters are redeemed while still being true to themselves and their wicked pirate ways. Finally, although many people didn't like it, I enjoyed how the movie expanded in the pirate lore of this particular universe. I think it makes it rich and complex, with a dash of magic to add flavor. Like any good classic pirate story.

The Bad: Will and Elizabeth stories take a long to be resolved, with some really cheesy scenes and you need to wait until after the credits to see an extra scene that ties the only loose end of the movie. That and the "Braveheart" speech of Elizabeth really taint an almost perfect comedy/action movie. If they decide to make a fourth movie I hope they focus only in Jack and introduce new characters (or use the ones that the prequel books already created). Dunno, Keira is pretty, but her character come across as pedantic in some scenes. Other bad thing is that the movie needs more Jack (even at risk of flash freezing the cinema). Finally, while you can see the first movie by itself, you really need to see 2 and 3 together to comprehend the full plot, is like is a movie in two installments.

The Fugly: nothing really, the movie delivers IMHO. At most the slurr in the speech that can difficult to understand some dialogues. Then again pirates are always drunk so...

The Veredict: The movie delivers, is a great entertaining one. I dunno if I would recommend to take little children to see it but is tame enough to please a wide variety of audience and keep the adults entretained. The fast pace can make you feel like you missed something, but the movie ties nicely with the previous one (just a suggestions, rent the DVD of the second movie before going to see this one, thatw ay you will have the plot fresh in mind). You have to see it or I will make you jump the board. Aye Aye Aye my mateys.

Songs you should hear

This is a new feature I will occasionally post on; Songs you should hear.

This instalment is a great song by Van Halen, “Light Up the Sky”

Light Up the Sky is on the second album from Van Halen which was titled Van Halen II.

It was used to open every show on the “II: World Vacation” Tour in 1979. Alex Van Halen wanted the song to be released as a single, but it never was. Too bad, it would have been a hit I’m sure.

The reason this song is so great is the fact that it is one of the songs that shows you the power of Van Halen. The guitar is top notch on Eddie’s part and Alex is right on his game with drums. Listen close for the base line, Michael Anthony proves why he is such a great base player, and of course Diamond Dave gives his all on the vocals. “LIGHT EM UP!”

Anger Management?

Well I have another theory.

Things have been going quite well for us as of late, we found a house, made a bid, it was accepted, and it looks like we will have no problem selling our house. (People have already been in to see it, and liked it quite well.)So this means things have been looking positive around here lately, which is good for a moody guy like me.

Then today our youngest son was riding his bike around the yard. Now I have told him several times not to ride between the two cars in the yard, one being our car, the other being my work car. As you may have guessed he did not head my words of wisdom today, and now the car I drive for work has a very noticeable scratch on the driver’s side.

I was very angry, I still am. I will have to explain what happened to my boss, I will offer to pay for the repair, it’s just the right thing to do. Of course being 7 years old my son had forgotten later in the day how upset I was, and seemed to forget the seriousness of the situation, as he curled up next to me with his head on my shoulder and asked "What are you doing daddy?"

So now comes my theory; If I stay angry (as is my nature) am I simply inviting more negativity into my household, will my “I’m angry and have a right to be!” attitude bring more “bad luck” if you will?

Should I simply take a page from my son’s book and let it go, not that he will not be punished, but deal with it and move along? It’s harder for me than it sounds. I tend to stew on things, stay angry “go into my cave” as someone once said.

So, am I looking or trouble? Or am I just a moody old shit?

Knock, Knock.

My kids were amusing themselves (and me) last week by telling knock knock jokes in the backseat of the minivan as we were driving around. This was a rare opportunity to observe jokes that go over the head of the person telling the joke.

It went something like this:

"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Handsome"
"Handsome who?"
"Could you please give me some of that popcorn over there?"

"Knock Knock"
"Whose there?"
"Phillip"
"Phillip who?"
"Could you please pour some more juice in my cup?"

They were hooting and laughing over these jokes...I was too but for different reasons. It just goes to show that it is possible for someone to be an expert in a subject - to know all the right facts about something - and still not get it. Just a little something to remember next time you might feel intimidated by someone with a lot of book knowledge. I'll take common sense over "higher" education any day.

There Are Two Kinds of People in This World

I know what you're thinking. To make this statement is a gross over generalization. It is evidenced just by the makeup of our three contributors that there are at least three different kinds of people. But if you really think about it, it's true. Take anything, sauerkraut for instance. People either like it or dislike it. There aren't a lot of "undecideds." I'm finding this to be more true with other things as well.

As a philosopher once profoundly said, "There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't." I think it was Bill Murray in What About Bob? He said those words just slightly ahead of his time. In 1991 there may have still existed shades of grey. What wisdom and forsight he exhibited in predicting that less than two decades later, opinions about--everything--would become so polarized. In no U.S. presidential election since then has any candidate received more than 52% of the vote. We are divided smack down the middle.

People are for abortion or against it. You like the New York Yankees or you hate them. You are a Kobe Bryant fan or you can't stand him. You like the smell of gasoline or you think it stinks. You love to do Tae Bo or you think those people are on crack. Ever since John Kerry, it just is not cool to be on the fence. Oh, that reminds me of another one...you like flip flop sandals or you will never wear them.

Is it a sign of insecurity that people have to be so sure of themselves? Or maybe it is actually a sign of confidence? See what I did there? I took the middle ground. And by putting question marks at the end of my statements I ensured that I will never be held accountable for claiming either point of view. I am beginning to see the advantages of being wishy washy. If I keep this up, no one will ever be able to tell me I'm wrong ever again. And that's the most important thing in life is to never be wrong, or at least be able to claim that you were not totally wrong. Right? Or maybe it's not the most important thing but in the top ten of the list of important things. On the other hand, it could be completely unimportant. It depends. I guess.

I think I like this approach to thinking, or maybe not. It is good to stand firm on your convictions and I think everyone should be a little more mule headed, or maybe not, I don't know. What this world definitely doesn't need is more second-guessers and Monday morning quarterbacks...or maybe its exactly what we need. We need people who will make decisions and stand by them, or perhaps people willing to revisit the way things are done would be better, I'm not exactly sure what my opinion of that is. But one thing is for darn tootin'. (that's a phrase that originates from Canada...or maybe it was Minnesota) For darn tootin' sure, this blog post is a political commentary. Or maybe it is a morality commentary. Wait, it kind of reads like an excuse to go watch What About Bob? again. Maybe I should tag it as a movie review...

At the movies: Spidey #3

Last Friday I went to see Spiderman 3 with fellow comic book fans and friends form the Roleplaying and Wargaming Society of my University. My expectatives were mixed, as you know I'm not a Marvel fan, but on the other hand, I do like Spidey and as general comic book fan I want to see comic book based movies succed because that helps the comic industry.

As with the "300" movie I'm not going to go into a detailed review to don't spoil it for you... waht the heck I do need to revisit some key points to give this opinion so I should warn you that there will be spoilers ahead. I'm going to split in in three parts:

The Good: the music, the FX used in the Sandman and Venon, the fights and the general idea of how Peter got the black costume and how he got rid off it, without the burden that would be explaining the whole "Secret Wars" arc in a two and half hrs movie. I think it was a nicely done plot there. Another thing I liked was the new casting, as usual Sam Raimi got every single character pegged and perfectly matched. Bryce Howard as Gwen is identical (although I still think she could put a super Black Cat too). Topher Grace was a worry at the beggining, since in That 70's show he was so skinny. But I have to tip the proverbial hat to him, he IS Eddie Brock. Thomas Hayden Church really looks like the Sadman. He is usually a very capable actor that can express so much with just a look, well he did that this time to a new level. I really believed that he was regreting his past mistakes and I find easy to think that he can be redemeed.

The music was a nice blend of rock and soft lyrics and that is always welcomed in my book. Finally I enjoyed the twist that shows that the movie is his own realm not related totally to the comic: Spidey is loved by all the city. A frequent reader of Spidey knows that until he joined the Avengers, Spidey was seen by the citizens as a threat not better than the enemies he fought. But here in the movie, even with J.J. Jameson intervention, he is respected and seen as the hero he is, truth it got to his head but well he is not perfect. One fair point Oscar made was the overall theme of choices, to do the right or the wrong thing. Even Jameson showed his decent side by publishing an apology after the whole fake pictures scandal. Life is not only about great responsabilities but also about choices and the movie represents that very well.

As a last treat I enjoyed how the director offered a recap of the previous two movies by using them as part of the inital credits. It helps to get into the movie without annoying expositions.

The Bad: This movie suffers from the same illness that X3: too many stories to tell withouth depth or resolution. I would prefer to save Sandman story for another sequel, because it felt cramped with three villians, at least three arcs in one movie and you did't get a good character development for Eddie and Flint. Gwen Stacy, who ironically enough survived the movie while Venom no, was just there to be the candy eye (maybe just for me, because I'm not a bog fan of Kirsten Dunst as MJ) and the foil to the redhead that Joe "I hate comics but I make money with them" Quesada loathes. Also the scene at the dinner with emo-Parker and Gwen felt oddly familiar to the Mask. There are some minor plotholes (like the ending or the crane) but well, the movie can't be perfect.

The Fugly (otherwise known as Fucking Ugly): Emo-Parker. What the heck was that? It is bad enough to stand the way writers have treated Peter in the comcis as a massive case of schizo, dealing jokes when fighting the gusy that just screwed him and his family and is hard enough to deal with emos invading internet and the blogsphere, but get them glorified by making Peter one of them? That is plain lame and FUGLY!!! Just the haircut made me puke. But the dance in the streets ripping off John "Grease" Travolta stunt in "Fever on Saturday Night" is just so lame that it didn't make me laugh. Like Oscar told me, it screams D-O-R-K, not badass hero with a darkside. Couldn't they took a hint at SV where the usual goodie two shoes Clark gets really badass when infected by Red-K and unleashes his dark side? I know that Peter Parker was created to represent in some way the geeks that we are in highschool, but an emo? Sorry I can't get my mind around that. Do NOT do that again please, if there is a fourth movie. And I'm not going to mention the fanfic part of "Harry forces MJ to breaks Peter's heart", I'll just say that the writers must stay away from fanfics and the usual crappy teen-agst plot device who didn't even got solved at the end.

Bottomline, aside for the fugly part and the fact I was brief in the good, I liked a lot the movie, maybe just me, but I liked it more that Spidey #2, it felt better without the crappy teen-agst (tm) of the story of the second movie. I would rank this movie in the level of Superman Returns and X-Men 2, much, much better that the trainwreck of Wolvie and his friends and Halley named X3, but still a step below of Batman Begins and Spidey #1.

Help Wanted Wanted

Oscar the Grouch

808 Sesame Street
Benton City, WA 99320
(509) 555-5555

OBJECTIVE:
Seeking a position in the Communications field utilizing my experience and schooling:
EXPERIENCE:
Girl Scouts Mid-Columbia Council, Kennewick WA 2004-present
Communications Director
Publishing bi-monthly “e-memos” and e-mailing to approximately 4,000 subscribers
Designing, developing and maintaining the council website
Providing technical support to the Girl Scout council office and out based staff
Designing and producing informational pieces including flyers, brochures and PowerPoint Presentations
Internal Office Network Administration
Membership Database Administration (Data Entry and Producing Monthly Reports)
Installing and troubleshooting operating systems and production software
Maintenance and repair of workstations
DT Marshall Printing, Redmond WA 1996-2003
Press Operator
Proofreading print jobs to catch mistakes and avoid costly reprints
Using DPT technology to produce lithographic plates
EDUCATION:
Business Computer Training Institute, Everett WA 2003-2004
Integrated Computer Applications Certificate (MS Office Applications)
Advanced Information Systems Certificate (Web design, networks, and PC repair)
BCTI Student of the Month, August 2003
BCTI Directors List for better than 95% attendance and grades
Columbia Basin College, Pasco WA 1993-1995
Graphic Arts Major
SKILLS:
Proficient in the following software:
Microsoft Office (Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook and Access)
Adobe Photoshop and Acrobat Professional
Microsoft Publisher
Windows 2000, XP, and Vista
Microsoft FrontPage
Small Business Server 2003
Office and Administrative:
Organization skills, able to multi-task and stay on top of several assignments at once
Time management, able to work independently or with a team to complete projects on time
Presentation skills, able to write and design material that appeals to clients and public

The End of the World is Coming

If you believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God then this post might concern you. If you don't believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God then hopefully this might at least be something interesting to think about.

In Matthew 24, the disciples asked Jesus, "Tell us, when shall these things be? and what shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world?" Jesus' reply is known as the Olivet Prophecy and included warnings of such things as wars, persecution, false prophets, famines, pestilence and earthquakes at various places around the world. In the 2000 years since Christ walked the earth, humanity has experienced all of these things to various degrees. At a first glance, Christ's response doesn't seem to be very specific.

It wouldn't be like God to not provide a good clue as to when the end of the age would come. Is it possible for us to know a more precise time to expect the return of Christ? Amos 3:7 states "Surely the Lord GOD will do nothing, but, he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets." Also read 1 Thessalonians 5:1-5. These scriptures show that most of the world will be caught by surprise at the return of Christ. But they also show that the LORD's "servants" or Paul's "brethren" will not be in the dark regarding the return of Christ. So keeping that in mind, take a look again at Matthew 24.

So wars and famines and earthquakes have been occurring for thousands of years. Are there any other clues in Matthew 24 that provide a more specific time frame? What about this? Matthew 24:21-22 - "For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be. And except those days should be shortened, there should no flesh be saved: but for the elect's sake, those days shall be shortened." Whoa...this is talking about the extinction of mankind! If the time was not cut short, all life would perish!

None of the wars or famines or earthquakes that have happened in the past were of such a magnitude that would threaten all life on earth. But in July of 1945, a new invention was tested that would change all of that. In Alamagordo, New Mexico the first nuclear device was exploded. The Cold War accelerated nuclear proliferation until there existed enough nuclear bombs to destroy the whole world hundreds of times over. At some point in between 1945 and the end of the Cold War, it became possible for Matthew 24:21-22 to be fulfilled. Now take a look at another verse in Matthew 24...one that should send chills down your spine...

Matthew 24:33-34 - "So likewise ye, when ye shall see all these things, know that it is near, even at the doors. Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled." The generation that existed at the time when global genocide became possible will not pass before all the things Christ spoke about regarding the "end of the age" come to fruition. I don't know exactly the year when our nuclear stockpiles became significant enough to destroy all life, but suppose it was even as late as 1970 (I think that is being overly generous). Someone born in 1970 would be 37 today. The current world average life expectancy is 67 years. So we have about 30 years before the generation born in 1970 begins to "pass".

It will happen in our lifetimes, when most of us are least expecting it. But YOU don't have to be caught off guard. How can you be prepared for the return of the Son of God? Luke 21 is a parallel account of the Olivet Prophecy. In verse 36 of Luke 21, Christ ended His prophecy with this statement: Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man.

Appreciation II

Sometimes you can't appreciate just how awesome a personal situation is unless you have some crappy personal situations to compare it too. I'm not going to make this a long deep thoughtful post because I don't feel I could do it justice. But the sweet short and condensed version is that I was having a crappy experience regarding lawn mowers, overgrown weeds and the city code enforcer. Sparing you all the excruciating details, I found a new appreciation for my neighbor Charles and my other neighbor Glenis. They probably will never read this but I just wanted anyone who does read this...those guys ROCK! :D

Also, my wife is having some crappy experiences healthwise (don't worry, nothing life threatening, but still painful). But without these crappy experiences we might not fully appreciate our friends the Smiths, the Sanders, the Pickers, the Maddisons, the Gootches and our extended families...all of these people ROCK too!

When I woke up this morning two hours earlier than normal to take my kids to the dentist, I was a grumpy, crabby, self-centered mess. I had no idea that the day would end with me feeling so appreciative. Thank you everyone YOU ROCK!

Food for the thought: Your next president

Although I'm not an american citizen, I must say that the elections in Oscar's country affects mine too (and I dare to say pretty much the planet). Considering this and the fact that there are already pre-candidates asking for your vote (and money) I should suggest to look after the less known, yet popular "extra" candidates and their plataforms:

Cthulu: The Older One from the fabled Necronomicon and from the Myth's fame. His plataform is easy "Cthulhu for President, why vote for the lesser of two evils? " Basically the whole world will become a playground for his alien desires, driving mankind to madness (not a hard task I have to say) and eating the survivors as meal. For more info about this, check his particular stances in topics such as foreing policy here:

http://www.cthulhu.org/cthulhu/positions.html

General Zod: You remember him from movies such as "Superman II" and tv shows like "Smallville". Well, apparently he has realized that is easier and less hassle to conquer the world through the presidency than by sheer force. Just becasue people is already paying tribute. Here is his plataform for more information

http://zod2008.com/

Finally a personal favorite from the NAFTAline team: Lord Darth Vader of the Sith. True, he lost the race four years ago, but he is relentless and strong willed so it is to expect that he is going to run again next year. His plataform: Rule through terror. And we know that in his hands, terror is an effective tool. Just have faith on him (or else). Here is more info about his plataform for the 2004 that probably will have some tweaks to face the new challengers.

http://www.thedarkside.net/vader/

So those are the options, now tell me than they aren't better choices than the current ones. This is NAFTAline in another service to community.

Screwing the Planet: A Global Warning

I just finished to see another movie, one that would make difficult to sleep tonight. It not an horror movie, but it does forsee a possible scenario wher Erath will be devastated. Is not a commercial movie, but a documentary, one that probably most people in USA have heard of: An Inconvinent truth, by Al Gore.

Now I know that Mr. Gore has been receiving tons of critics lately due the fact that flying is polluting and he has been doing it a lot. But that doesn't means that he is wrong. The message of his slideshow is clear, we are going straight to hell (literally) and we are running out of timeto push the brakes. No one in the planet can reduce to zero his/her environmental print (unless is dead and even then...), but can be reduced significantly, so Mr. Gore is probably compensating the CO2 from his travels by other means.

Going to the topic of the movie, probably one of the mental images that made me more sad now that in years before, was the polar bears drowning because the North Pole is close to be a large pool. Think on this, just because some Oil magnates want to change his carpet in his mansion, he made you to consume more fuel. This is in agreement with the automobile industry (at leats the american one), that says that only by manufacturing bigger cars, they can compite with other companies (which is a lie since most of american car companies are in big troubles) they can keep the economy, so they offer you only cars that can burn more fuel in one day that all of your medieval ancestor in all his life span.

So we are killing polar bears just because a bunch of fucking greed bastards want more money than they will be able to take with them to the tomb. Is that fair? And in case some of the readers don't care about polar bears, monarch butterflies or penguins, I just want to remember two things: Hurrican Katrina obliterating New Orleans and the Tsunami in South Asia (remember my last post about superstorms not being feasible? Guess what? Katrina was just the sample). If they death of thousands of people and the thousands of displaced survivors with the raising potential of new and old diseases cleaning those zones in a war-zone like scene doens't make you to change or at least consider the issue, hell is a worthy place.

Why hell? Because with the raising of the temperatures in an exponential way (more in the last generation than in all human history), that is what we are transforming Earth into. Don't let politicians to confuse you: there is a general consensus among scientifics that Global Warming is real. Politicans just want to misdirect your attention because it hits them where it hurts: their pockets.

I can go and go and go in this subject and I probably will, since is the topic of my PhD and something I take very serious. But I will save more bullets for tomorrow (when I will post some links with advices of how to reduce you environmental print). Just wanted to finish saying that we are in the last meters of a global destruction race, but we can still change the direction, we have the tools, the knowledge , we just need the will to do it.

QuickTips For Guys: #1

If you ever buy flowers for your wife or girlfriend, give them to her in the morning. That way she'll have at least eight hours while you are away at work to romanticize about how wonderful you are. If you give them to her in the evening when you get home, she'll have the visualization of you sitting around on your fat butt drinking beer in your boxer shorts. Surprisingly, that doesn't achieve the same effect.

Does God have sex?

It's a simple question, but the answer...

If we were created in God's image, then I assume he has all the right parts. If this is the case, who did he, or does he, have sex with?

Lets see what the "net" says.....~time lapse~.....Well I looked extensively for 10 minutes, and found very little. :)

It was brought up on one forum that God had sex with Mary, but I really don't think that's how it happened.

So, what do you think?

My theroy is, God is such a perfect being that he already knows every feeling, therfore has no need for sex, or any other pleasure.

But still, if he has no need for it, where did he come up with the idea? At any rate it was a damn good one!

Survival skills after a natural catastrophe

Tonight (or last night, depending of the time zone), I was watching in tv a rerun of the movie "The Day after tomorrow". That, coupled with some of the stuff I have been reading during the PhD about how pollution is changing the global weather and the balance of power and needs; and a call from my parents last week about a strong earthquake felt in Mexico, left me thinking on how it would be to live the day after a massive natural catastrophe hit the place where I was living at that moment.

I realize that the premise of the above mentioned movie is far fetched and almost impossible to occur. But they said something similar 20 years ago about the climate patterns and now we have the Niño effect. I'm not saying that a massive superstorm will occur, but one can't also say that it never will happen. There is a lot that we ignore about how our planet works and we are so ignorant and/or stubborn to realize that we are not the omnipontent owners of the blue sphere, so I wouldn't be too surprised if tragedies like the Tsunami in Asia in 2004 happen again (a tragedy of which curiously enough, several people around the world dreamed (as in a dream at night, not as a wish) days before, but that is topic for another post).

Following that trail of thought I was musing about how prepared we are or in this case I'm to face the aftermatch of a global phenomenon that change our world and civilization (could be a new Ice Age, an global rise in the temperature producing scarcity of water, the rise of the the sea level covering massive portions of continental land, nuclear winter or biological war aftermath).

Obviously depending the type of event, would be the actions to take, but I guess that the first element of a basic survival skill kit would be the will to survive. Most people that have survived accidents have stated that what helped them to make it through the ordeal was the belief that they will survive, either by the help of a superior power or by sheer strenght of character, maybe a mix of both. The second basic skill would be humility; to learn from our past mistakes, to realize that we are not alone and that we need to work togheter with other survivors. Also some basic knowledge in science and common sense would be useful. During the tsunami event in Asia, people from remote, tribal areas fared better than people from cities, due the communal knowledge, like being watchful and understanding the behaviour of animals (probably the best alarm in the planet). Mother Nature is a wise (yet rude) mistress and she provided the animals with enough common tools to survive these kinds of events. Basic science can help us to keep a average level of health and to cope with different situations (like how to insulate ourselves with makeshift elements in order to deal with a sudden drop of the temperature).

Is a fact that any hunting, survival and even combat skill might come useful (now buying the bow and that katana doesn't sound as stupid as I though first). But maybe the most important paired with the will of make it to another day, is how to be ready. I'm not saying that we need to build a nuclear shelter like during the Cold War, but just taking basic previtions that even goverments (or at least in the case of Mexico) suggest, like having the important papers (such as passports and IDs) in a safe, accesible place, getting canned supplies and emergency kits (medicines, radios, maps, torchs and other stuff) ready for any event.

That should work for the intial days, but I still keep wonder how would be the life after that. Hollywood movies portray either a grim world or a world with hope. I think that both extremes are unreal, in face of how humanity can be its better ally or its worst enemy. Culture would change and the meaning of civilization as well as our paradigms will shift to go along the new situation. Probably a return to basic ways of life would take precedent over the amenities we have grown used to.

This is such a rich topic to keep talking for days, specially when you have a vivid and overactive imagination like mine (I'm already making plans in my head of hunting with my bow and getting a street dog as companion to fence any thug). But right now, my main concern is to evaluate if I'm ready to deal with this kind of situation (specially being far away from home like now) and what I do need to improve and if my life experience and general knowledge will be enough. I guess that is time to get in shape again and get in contact with my future clan.

My Modeling Career Begins

Last Friday marked a very important day for me...the beginning of my modeling career. It wasn't a carefully calculated career move, it was one born out of necessity.

I was designing a newspaper ad to let people know that this is the last weekend that Girl Scout cookies would be available for sale until next year's sale. The headline read "Last Chance to Catch Girl Scout Cookies!" and the accompanying picture was of a Girl Scout cookie running away from a hand making a grab for it.

Making the cookie running away was easy enough, I used a real picture of the cookie and drew legs with running shoes on it. The hand was another story though. I searched for over an hour through clipart cds and looking on Google for a photo I could use of a grabbing hand. The pictures I found just didn't work for me. Either they didn't look like they were "grabbing" or they looked like they were from a horror movie. (Not appropriate for a Girl Scout advertisement.)

Rather than waste any more time looking for a picture that would work, I decided to make my own. I broke out the digital camera and snapped off a few pictures of my own hand and within a few minutes my ad was complete. Last Friday, my hand appeared in several newspapers in Washington. A new career was underway.

If you don't think that someone can actually make a living this way, I'd just like to remind you of a certain J.P. Prewitt, a famous hand model played by David Duchovny in the biographical film Zoolander. Hand models have appeared in Hollywood movies, therefore they must be real. But don't worry, when I become rich and famous I won't forget all the "little people" who I met along the way. Like old whats-his-butt...and that other guy...you know...the ones who contribute to this blog. Their names escape me at the moment but they know who they are, and they would have an open invitation to come visit me at my SoCal mansion. (As long as they make reservations in advance with my secretary and fill out the appropriate paperwork and insurance disclaimers.)

Green Arrow Movie

This week has been reported (http://uk.movies.ign.com/articles/778/778978p1.html) that David Goyer is going to film a Green Arrow movie. David Goyer is known as the writer of the superb "Batman Begins" and as decent director (Blade II and Blade Trinity). His latest project, aside "Dark Knights" (sequel of Batman Begins) script, was the failed movie of The Flash with Ryan Reynolds as Flash. But there are four catches in this project: the movie is not going to be called Green Arrow nor something similar, but Super Max; is going to be like superhero-meets-prision break; Ollie would be GA just for the first ten minutes and the rumor is that Brad Pitt will play Ollie.

Here is Goyer's idea: "He's Green Arrow for the first 10 minutes of the movie, and then he's arrested and his secret identity is revealed," Goyer told Wizard. "They shave his goatee and they take his costume and send him to prison for life, and he has to escape. It's like Alcatraz, and he has to team up with, in some cases, some of the very same villains he is responsible for incarcerating in order to get out and clear his name. Of course, tons of people try to kill him while he's in there. We've populated the prison with all sorts of B and C villains from the DC Universe. For the fans, there will be all sorts of characters the hardcore comic book junkies will know, but they're all going to be there under their human names and no one is wearing a costume, but there will be a lot of characters with powers and things like that."

Now here is my opinion: is not secret here that I love GA as much as Supes so hearing the news of a movie is unreal (heck I even have a bow and practice archery because of that). However I have mixed feelings. Goyer is a decent director as I said earlier, but I prefer him as writer than director, he is better at that (but I guess that Christopher Nolan is out of question and Kevin Smith will be in the project just a technical consultant). So while I think the story will be good, I not feel so sure about the rest of the movie.

Second: Brad Pitt? Don't get me wrong, he is a good actor (when he wants to be anyways) and "Fight Club" is a proof of that and that he can play a badass. However I'm not crazy of him being Ollie. Don't ask me why, maybe is just that I like a lot how Justin Hartley portrayed Ollie. But I guess that since GA is not a big name in the mind of the public when they hear of superheroes, Brad Pitt's name can secure the box office.

The story idea: well although the Prision Break aspect is strage, I can say that in GA context makes sense. He is an urban, street level superhero, like Batman, so pitting him against his archenemies in a prision is a fresh take in a comic-to-movie wave where everybody (aside Superman Returns and sequels of Marvel movies)) is telling origins stories. Besides as IGN said, seeing at Ollie making a bow and arrows with scrap material in a prision and beating the crap of supervillians at bare hands is going to be quite cool.

As I said, the idea of a movie sounds cool and I want to see it, so a part of me is really glad (a movie of GA is like a geek dream of me). However the other part of me is sad because that means that WB is going to clamp the idea of a GA series like Smallville with Justin as the lead actor and that maybe we are not going to see anymore GA in Smallville. Unless DC and WB use GA's tv version as a marketing tool for the movie and the he will be back at SV. Who knows?

Mergers

The past few months, the term "merger" has been sitting heavily in my mind. The company I am currently employed with operates on a charter from a larger entity. Last year it was decided that our company will have to merge with a neighboring franchise in order to be effective and keep up with the times.

Unfortunately, that means there were some redundancies in the staffing structure, including my position. So from my point of view, doing a full scale job search and facing the predicament of unemployment as the sole income earner in our family, the word "merger" carries a negative connotation.

Perhaps it is for this reason that I find so annoying the business of merging the names of celebrity couples to form one singular Hollywood train wreck. Brangelina. Bennifer. Tomkat. Who officially approved this style of defiling the English language? I don't remember there ever being a bill brought before Congress, or as some might now call it, the Represenators or the Senatatives. And yet it's caught on like wildfire.

It is all the rage now to blur the lines between male and female. If you are involved in a relationship you are fair game. Even those with short names are not immune. Viewers of NBC's The Office take the masculine character Jim and the feminine character Pam and turn it into the hermaphroditic "Jam". Blech. And as my NAFTAline collaborator, Winged Lion, pointed out a few days ago, even Superman is not invulnerable to these attacks on his manhood. Fans of Smallville are witnesses and sometimes even the perpetrators of the brutal feminization of the Clark name. Chlark, Clois, Clana...lets just make Superman's costume hot pink why don't we?

I don't know if I speak for my fellow NAFTAliners, or Wingoscunk, as we sometimes call ourselves, but I personally feel that this name-merging is a scourge that must be stopped. Jamming two words together never leads to an end result that is respectable. Stop the presses! Did I just imply that the celebrity marriages of Ben Afflek, Jennifer Lopez, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, etc. are respectable!!? What am I thinking? I'm sorry, please disregard everything I just said.

P.S. As a side note I just wanted to announce that after two years of intellectually deficient performance, I've decided to delete my Oscar the Grouch Myspace account. Anyone who kept in contact with me via Myspace can now find me at my new account, run jointly with my wife, Glory. Or as some people call us, Osclory. Or Gloscar. Whatever you prefer.

Before you were born, your brain was female.

Well well well, guys, take a look at this article from Mens Health.

I know it sounds trippy, but it's true, and if you want to understand the mysteries of the female brain, you need to accept it. Throughout the first 2 months of pregnancy, every embryonic brain is wired for girlhood. If that embryo has female genes, its brain will continue to develop with little interruption. But in a case like yours, all hell breaks loose in the third month, as a pair of extremely tiny testicles begins to send squirts of testosterone through your developing body.

As the hormone enters the nascent brain, it will arrest development in certain regions and stimulate growth in others--notably, the ones that govern your sexual appetite.

That's just the beginning, for after you're born, the sex cabinets in your male brain just keep expanding. Indeed, the portion of your hypothalamus that governs sexual pursuit will grow larger and stronger until you reach adulthood. Scientists are unsure of its exact size in humans, but in other mammals, it's known to be as much as seven times larger in males than in females. It has been estimated that the sex circuits in a typical man's brain light up once a minute--much more often than a woman's.

I guess we men were the first mutants. Now where are my superpowers?

Can you hold please?

Can someone please explain to me why some folks answer the phone and say, "Can you hold please?" and then put you on hold before you can answer? I feel like hanging up every time this happens to me, honestly, it's just plain rude.

Can you imagine if this type of thinking spilled into other facets of life? If people asked questions, but then just went ahead and did whatever they thought you wanted before you could answer.

"Welcome to McDonalds, would you like the Big Mac Special? That will be $4.95"

"Do you feel like sex tonight, honey? WOW! That was good!"

"Can I have a bite of your candy bar?...BURP man that’s good stuff."

"Do you want to go out on a date with me? I'll see you at 8."

Public service: Save Smallville from Clana

This might be odd, but is just a small announcement: there is a petition online:

http://petitionspot.com/petitions/STOPClana/%20

To stop Clana (Clark drooling for Lana) in Smallville, before the show turns (even more) in a teen drama. Bring on the superheroic stuff and Lois. IMO this show is about Superman before being Big Blue, not a superpowered lame Dawson's Creek. If you notice the best episodes of the last season are those where the plot of being a superhero was in the front, had better audience than the lame emo-Clark pining for Lana. I think is time to save the show from its own doom.

I need to stop before I write a 20 pages rant... well I'm going to do it anyway, but right now I'm busy with PhD stuff. So go and sign. Your show needs you.

P.S: Dear reader, you will notice that I'm a canon supporter in this case (otherwise known as Clois), so there is no love here for Clana or Chlark. I do however enjoy Chloe character as sidekick.

I Did Something Stupid Today (IDSST) : Part II

It must be contagious. I just had my own stupid moment a few minutes ago. My wife forwarded me an e-mail, which came as an attachment, from the kids' school. It was a document that we needed to print out and keep for reference. My wife's e-mail simply said, "Print out and bring home please." I opened the attached e-mail from the school which contained another attachment...the actual document to be printed. I hit reply and typed a message for my wife that said, "Will do, smootzy-poo." and sent it. After printing it I started to close the many windows that were now open on my computer. When I got to the e-mail from the school, a horrible realization struck me. A quick check of my "Sent" e-mails confirmed it. I had written "Will do, smootzy-poo" to the secretary of my kids' school. It looks like I was flirting with a school employee.

New Section: I did something stupid today

Inaugurating a new section today at NAFTAline, we have: "I did something stupid today" where the stooges will share when they do something really stupid that is worthy to be here.

So as first issue in this topic I will share that I did something stupid today: I bought an archery set. Why it was stupid even when in the coolness book having a bow and actually using it is in the top levels? Well maybe just because I actually need to save money for things like food, accomodation and medicines, instead of spending it, by being dragged by one of my crazy friends who wants me to teach her how to use it (when I just have six months learning proper archery). Never travel with a shopping crazy-deprived coffee scottish vegan to a sport store... or any store in any case or your wallet will regret it. However you will have tons of fun and excitment, that is for sure.

Well, as I said in my post about wanting to fly like Superman, since I don't think I will suddenly develop kryptonian powers, I can go for the Green Arrow route.

I have the bow and soon the skills. Now I need the money, which I spent a part of it. That is why this was stupid in some way.

PDA

Speaking of getting old and losing your mind...the little missus and I went out last night because it was one of those occasions where we had a volunteer baby sitter (Grandma's are wonderful!) and we jumped at the chance to hit the karaoke bar. No, WE are not getting old and losing our minds, I'll get to that later.

Things were kind of slow when we arrived at the bar, in the karaoke room only the guy who emcees the karaoke and his wife/girlfriend? were singing. Everyone else was in the main part of the bar watching baseball. I actually kind of like to arrive when its slow, it gives you a chance to try out a new song or two and get warmed up for when it gets hopping.

So we each took turns singing and listening, my wife looks beautiful and I have my arm around her. Now I have to explain, neither her nor I are very big on Public Displays of Affection (PDA). Putting an arm around a shoulder or quick pecks on the cheek are comfortable when there are strangers around but anything more risque is pushing it. But when we are in the comfort of our own home and the kids are asleep...yeah baby! Ahem...(cold shower).

Unfortunately, as I was reminded again last night, not everyone is as uncomfortable with PDA. and it seems that when blood alcohol level is raised and inhibitions are lowered, instances of high-level PDA increase. This is exemplified by the elderly couple that showed up later on. It was the old codger's birthday and his wife got up to sing him three or four verses of "Happy Birthday To You" with the help of some of her younger drunken companions (daughters maybe?). It wasn't pretty.

Now don't get me wrong. I can appreciate someone expressing their feelings for another, especially when its old people who have had long lasting marriages. And it was obvious that this woman did not care what other people thought as she stood up there cackling out the notes...she was going to sing this song for her man and that was that. It was an unselfish act on her part, probably done out of love, purely for the benefit of the old man. And while the quality of sound was not good...was not really even listenable...everyone in the bar had a smile on their face, I think we all were somewhat touched by the gesture. It was very sweet.

But WHY oh WHY!? Why did they have to go and ruin the moment? As soon as the music stopped she walked back to her table and for the next several minutes, Ma and Pa Kettle proceeded to lick face. There was more tongue there than at a KISS concert. Now I'm a person who looks away and goes "eeeeeewww" during a movie when two attractive movie stars are sharing a screen kiss. Imagine how much more queasy I felt to see two old and shriveled senior citizens licking each other's moustaches and making out like teenagers.

It was gross but there is humor in it too. At some point, people "mature" to the point where they no longer worry about impressing people or looking "cool". It's like they become the opposite of a teenager. Except that they still make out.

Falling Apart

The morning of my 30th birthday I woke up and I hurt. My elbow was throbbing, my knees were creaking and when I finally dragged myself out of bed, the bones in my feet were crackling. That was about a year and a half ago and it turned out to be just a coincidence. It was a relief to know that I didn't magically become an old duffer on the morning of my 30th birthday. My elbow was fine the next day.

Fast forward a year and a half and I have to reconsider. A little over a week ago my eyes had trouble focusing. I was seeing things double and it gave me such a headache I had to lay down. The double vision eventually went away but still a week later, my eyesight is not as sharp as I remember it being. Of course it might not be my eyes getting worse, but my memory getting worse. Maybe my eyes were always bad but in my senility, I've forgotten.

And a week before that, I was walking around the house barefoot and stubbed my pinkie toe on the coffee table. I didn't see it there...aha, a clue...my vision IS going bad. But I should have remembered that the table was there...so maybe it IS my memory that is going. *SIGH* Do you understand my predicament. I'm not sure what is going on, I feel so confused. Is that an early sign of Alzheimers?

I was just starting to feel back to normal again, getting back into my "youthful" groove, when I suffered another case of my body failing me. I was biting into a tasty taquito when I felt a click back in my jaw. I spit the bite out into my napkin and reached back into my mouth with a finger. I felt what I thought was a piece of tortilla chip stuck in my gums and scratched at it with a fingernail. Something shot out of my mouth and onto the floor.

Immediately I knew something was not right. My tongue, which for the last 20+ years has had an intimate relationship with my molars, caressing thier smooth enamel covering, was now greeted with a harsh jagged reality of a roughly cracked tooth. I was in disbelief, I was imagining I should be in lots of pain but oddly, there was none. Except for the roughness of the broken tooth against my tongue, I wouldn't have known anything was different. I was in denial until I got on my hands and knees and searched under the table and found the piece of tooth.

The lack of pain can probably be attributed to the fact that the tooth might have been dead already and was just hanging out for appearances sake. I wonder how many other body parts I have that are like that. My eyes, my memory, my teeth, my toenails...Oh yeah, I almost forgot: When I stubbed my pinkie toe, the toenail came clear off. Again, thankfully there wasn't a lot of pain, just another dead body part waiting to come jarred loose. I don't know what is more worrisome, the fact that there are parts falling off my body or the fact that I meant to mention the toenail incident three paragraphs ago and it completely left my mind.

Maybe its a merciful gift from my Creator that the mind is going along with the body. If I remembered more about what my body has gone through, I might be more stressed out about it. I guess ignorance really IS bliss.

A Little Bit of Fun

Seeing as how my last few entries have been purely dry and educational, I'm giving you a break and posting something simply for fun. Enjoy!

Video Game Memories?

I had a thought this morning. Do first person video games create the same memories as actually doing something in person? Now before you call me a kook just hear me out. Think back to a time in your life that you remember well, but something at least 10 years ago. Do you remember how things looked, the layout of an old apartment, the interior of a favorite car? Now think back to a first person shooter game, do you remember walking into a room, where things were (if you did it a couple hundred times you most likely do:) ) a broken chair, blinking light?

Now let’s fast forward to the future, let’s say I’m an old man, I’m starting to confuse things. Is it possible that I will remember being in the army because of playing Battlefield 2?
“I remember the day we were pinned down in a little town over in the Gulf of Oman, I was down, but the field meds patched me up good. So I pressed R to reload my rifle, and we kicked the shit out of em!”
“Grandpa, you were never in the war.”
“Listen to me sonny, I remember it like it was yesterday, just like the time the Aliens landed and we sent them packing.”
“Grandpa, that’s was just a video game.”
“That’s no way to speak to a War Vet; you kids today have no respect!”

So, what do you think? Am I crazy, or are we really rotting our brains with all these video games?

If I could fly like Superman

That has been my thoughts since Sunday morning, when I had to take my flight back to UK in order to continue my pursuit of a PhD (which btw, might have no real application, but the tittle is nice when appears before your name).

I have been travelling from almost 18 hrs. Why so much you could ask. Well for once, I'm not a millionarie (I barely survive witha scholarship in one of the most expensive countries), so I had to take a flight with a stop in order to be able to pay it. A few years ago I would do it by KLM, the dutch airline, but Air Canada offered me a better deal this time. So I went from Mexico City to Toronto and from there to London. Basically I can say that I've been in Canada, even if my vistis was reduced to two hours in the airport lounge. In any case the flights were nice, the food decent and it even arrived 15 minutes earlier.

But those 15 min. were waste by a rookie custom worker who made annoying questions and the bus, who arrived to the airport two and half hours late (something similar happened to me when I was going to take the flight last Christmas) and took the panoramic route, so I alomost missed the bus connection to my current town. Luckily, the company hold the other bus until my arrival and I managed to get to Loughborough at a decent time. But by that moment I had travelled and waited and wasted almost 2 days. And don't even mention the jet-lag or the change of altitude or teh fact that my luggage could make it as test for the olympics of weightlifting.


So that is why I wish I could fly like Superman, becaus ethat emans that I shoudl have his other powers, therefore I could carry my belongings with one hand and cross the Atlantic in a few minutes. I just need a GPS (since I lack of sense of orientation and I don't want to be lost in the middle of the ocean). It also would allow me to be with my family during weekends and eat healthier than now. And if I needed more or less clothes I just need to fly back. And for free!!! So yeah, that would be nifty (and much, much better than teleportation, which is basically a death by subatomic cloning... more on that later).

But unless I suddenly develop kryptonian powers, I guess that I need to travel like everybody else. Maybe I can go with the Oliver Queen way, since I already practice archery adn I just need to win some billiosn to have my own jet. Oh well I need a better plan now, about how to make tons of money.

Sorry for boring you with this, but I hoped that this entry should end the attention hog of the dictionary. Damm you Webster :P.

Attention Hogs

Did you ever have that one friend who no matter what the situation ALWAYS had to be right in the middle of it? If it isn't all about them, they try to make it about them. Like say for instance, the coolest thing that ever happened to you just happened and you're all excited to tell people about it and then along comes the attention hog who spends the next hour telling about something similar, only way cooler, that happened to them five years ago.

What kind of barren, hollow, unfulfilled life must someone be living if every waking moment they feel the need to push their presence to the forefront to be noticed by others. Maybe they are oblivious as to how pathetic it looks to sacrifice their dignity seeking only the approval of the people standing around them. I find it absolutely rebarbative.

That's the Merriam Webster Online word of the day:

rebarbative • \rih-BAR-buh-tiv\ • adjective
: repellent, irritating

Don't you find it rebarbative when someone is so desperate for attention that they'll think of anything just to have an excuse to talk about themselves. I know a guy like that. ATTENTION HOG! Even stooping so low as to hog to himself five entries in a row on a blog that is supposed to be a collaboration. And its not like he even has anything interesting to say...he's just regurgitating words out of the dictionary to hear the sound of his own voice. Ugh. Rebarbative indeed!

Surfing MySpace for tunes.

I was just chilling at home tonight doing something I hardly ever spend time doing any more. Playing music. I've been working pretty hard lately and now that I've had a bit of time to just "chill" I thought I'd spend the evening reminiscing old tunes from back in the day and maybe look around a little to maybe discover something I haven't heard before. And I'll even share by linking to the MySpace pages of some bands I enjoyed tonight.

First of all I started with something familiar, a couple of bands I listened to a lot as a teenager: Mother Love Bone and Temple of the Dog. I don't think I come across music very often that I appreciate as much as the music of these two bands.

Considering that the last new artist I've heard that really blew me away to that extent is Ben Folds (and I first heard of him about 12 years ago), it hit me that maybe I'm just not looking hard enough to find new music to appreciate. So I spent a couple of hours just browsing artists on MySpace in search of my new favorite thing.

Here's a few artists who caught my attention enough to mention.
Dan Torres - Kind of reminds me a little bit of Jeff Buckley. Kind of.
John Erikson - Reminds me of Chris Cornell...not so much the voice but the song "Blue Skies" is eerily similar to Cornell's "Sunshowers". "Chains" is a toe-tapper. Hmmmm. I sorta like it but I don't know how I'll feel about it tomorrow.
Karma Cowboys - WOW! I am going to listen to this one again. Probably a lot. "Shine On Tomorrow"
Piper McKinnon - Great songwriting.Her voice is pretty good too.

That's all I've got tonight. That was fun, I'll do this more often.

Word of the Day: Bucolic

My attempt yesterday at raising this blog's level of sophistication had mixed results. The part that could still use improvement: I again ended up talking about butt wiping. But on the plus side: we had our first two confirmed reports of someone (other than ourselves) actually reading our blog. Okay so one was my wife who I practically had to force her to read, but the other was my sister-in-law...my very sweet, proper, polite, conservative sister-in-law from Japan...and I was talking about butt wiping. How embarrassing.

I suppose it just goes to show that I can try all I want to put on a show of being sophisticated and cultured but when it comes down to it, I'm still just a redneck turd from the sticks. And it isn't a good idea to try to polish a turd. Just try it sometimes. Or better yet, don't. It's a messy thing only a country fried hick would attempt. Which brings me to the Merriam-Webster Online word of the day:

bucolic • \byoo-KAH-lik\ • adjective
1 : of or relating to shepherds or herdsmen : pastoral
2 : relating to or typical of rural life

I have been bucolic all my life and didn't realize until tonight. I knew I was a couple of other things ending in -olic but never of the "buc" variety. But step one of overcoming any problem is identifying it.

I know I'm bucolic because:

• I currently live in a town of less than 3,000 people.
• The major industry here is the dump.
• The most famous person that lives here has an outrageous mullet.
• You can see the city limits sign from the other city limits sign.
• You can write "Ethel" on an envelope, put a stamp on it and the post office knows exactly where to deliver it.

I didn't always live in this town though. The place I grew up in was even more bucolic. I had five classmates in my fifth grade class. We shared the same classroom and teacher with the two fourth-graders and the four sixth-graders. One time my dad pulled out to the end of the driveway and had to wait for a car to go past and complained about the darn traffic. Yes we were a bunch of raging bucolics.

But this is good. Now that I've admitted to myself what a bucolic I am maybe I can get myself some help. I'm sure there are a few good government programs that help unfortunate bucolics such as myself. My town is probably too bucolic to have its own chapter of Bucolics Anonymous but maybe the next town over...the one with the liquor store...

Bucolics Anonymous, there's a contradiction in terms. If you ever want to be anonymous don't come to a town that's full of bucolics. People might not all know your name but they all know about something personal about you. For instance, some people in town call me by my name. Others call me "that guy who's dog stole my burrito last summer." And everyone knows exactly who they're talking about. I haven't tested this theory yet but I wouldn't be suprised if I received a letter some day addressed only to "That guy who's dog stole my burrito last summer."

Now that I've admitted that I have this problem, I feel pretty good about my chances of kicking this bucolism. That's not to say I won't fall off the wagon every once in a while but I think that with the help and support of my family and friends...hey look at that! Bubba's got himself a brand new riding lawnmower and wants to race! Oh well, maybe I'll quit cold turkey next week.

Word of the Day: Inveigh

In an attempt to make my blogs more enlightening (apparently some people think that discussing the ramifications of wiping your butt with puppy tp has no redeeming value) I am now committed to upholding certain standards that will hopefully convince our readers that reading our blog is educational and is in no way a waste of time.

So my first step is to institute a "regular" feature called Word of the Day, that will neither be regularly featured on a daily basis nor will it necessarily contain actual words. I'm just calling it this because it sounded good at the time. In this feature, I will from time to time discuss a new vocabulary word as found on Merriam-Webster Online.

The word for today is INVEIGH. It is a verb that means to protest or complain bitterly or vehemently. For example: Many people inveighed my last blog, whether complaining about my overly descriptive narration of de-muddifying (that should be another word of the day) or my insensitivity to puppies.

I, in return, must inveigh that unlike vocabulary building, wiping is in fact a regular feature probably done by most people on a daily basis. If left undone it can lead to serious health, social, and emotional problems.

So this is my argument: Wiping is more important than learning new vocabulary. So if Merriam-Webster is going to devote a whole section of its website to vocabulary building, shouldn't they have at least two or three times that amount devoted to wiping?

This will hopefully put the matter into perspective for those of you who inveighed me for yesterday's blog.

Trouble Wiping My Butt

I was really having a hard time. Lately when I'm done in the bathroom, I'm dreading that simple hygienic ritual we all do of cleaning off the excess. A simple task made almost impossible due to recent circumstances.

No, it's not hemorrhoids. I've never had the opportunity to experience that, can't say I'm ever looking forward to that either. And it's not the dreaded runny poo, you know...the type you wipe and wipe and wipe and there is still something there...TMI? Ok. Sorry.

What the problem is is that every time I pull a wad of tp off of the roll, I find myself staring straight into the big brown eyes of a little puppy dog. Seriously. My wife brought home a different brand of tp than we normally buy. This stuff is Cottonelle Kids, which features various puppy dogs every few sheets, spaced by puppy paw prints to show kids how much tp to use.

Granted it's only a picture, but acknowledging that fact doesn't help it seem any less cruel when I realize that when I go to "tidy up" the poor puppy's face is going to be dragged through the...well...yeah, literally.

So the first few times, I really felt guilty taking this horrible action against a poor defenseless puppy dog who has never done anything ill towards me. It just doesn't seem right. Right?

But I think I have a solution to this guilt that I feel. You know how dogs are always sniffing your butt? And other people's butts? And other dog's butts? And really anything that has a butt? Well, they must like it, otherwise why would they be doing that all the time? So from the puppy's point of view, I'm really just doing him a favor.

Which TMNT Am I?

Apparently, my Leo "do-goody" attitude of earlier years has been tempered in the fire of reality, since in the latest test I took I got now Raphael (that, as you can see, makes me happy). It's probably that my current POV about the world is more cynic and that I enjoy making sarcastic jokes when I can.

Guy's night out at the movies: COWABUNGA DUDE!!!!

Yes, I said it and I'm proud of it. I have been a TMNT-addict since I was eight and always enjoyed the stories of the Green Mean Machine (except for that awful run by Image). And now, when I lost my hope of seeing the last movie (since by the time it premiered in Mexico, I would be back at UK, where it is already out of the cinema... talk about bad timing), the darkside powers of Oscar allowed me... allowed us to watch the movie, from the comfort of our respective houses, at the same time, the new TMNT movie. That's why of the title of the section, techincally speaking, we saw the movie "together".

Now, into business. What can I say, although I'm a hard core fan of the Turtles in their more mature aspect, like the comic or the newest cartoon (before Fast Foward), I like also the funny side of them (I grow up with the 90's cartoon and the Archie comics were actually my first comic). This movie was... no IS the best mix of that. In my opinion, is the best movie of the Turtles so far.

Basically (and to don't spoil the story for you) is a story set loosely in continuity with the former three movies. The team is broken, the brothers fight between them, but a global kind of crisis, brought by the manipulations of a tycoon and a set of monster, bring the familiy togheter. And with friends and old enemies, they have to save the world.

I for one, love the fact that it was made in 3D, since it allowed more freedom to the creators, without havong to use the more traditional cartoon way. The director, Kevin Munroe, a comic writer with experience in his belt, in association with Peter Laird (one of the two creators of the legendary first big media indy comic), took the best of the old movies, left the bad of them and offer an epic movie, not dragged by continuity (in has a small recap at the beginning). The music is superb and the voice acting was excellent (it was weird at first to hear Tidus as Leonardo) with professional voice actors as the brothers and guest voices like Patric Stewart, Sarah Michelle Guellar and even Kevin Smith in a brief cameo and Mako in a last job. The movie even includes a homage to Batman by the apparition of a "new" character: The Nightwatcher, whose secret ID is not a secret after the first 5 minutes of the movie. Finally the character desing was great, although the humas looked a little bit stiff, the monsters and more important the Turtles and their father Sensei Splinter are perfect (I think this is the best depiction of the Old Master, even the fur was done with detail). You can actually see the bruises they got after a battle, the different pigmentation of their skins or the texture of their shells.

Now, there are three scenes that reminded me why, while everybody back in elementary school drooled for Mickey or Leonardo, I enjoyed more RAPH: because he is a bad ass thta has what it takes to do the job. The scene of the first battle against the monsters, the final speech but specially the battle against Leonardo made me root for him again (even when everybody says that personality wise I'm more like Leo, which is not bad, since is my second fav Turtle).

Finally, they used a classic "before the ages" myth (inspired in the cultures of Central America) as plot device, but it was moot to the real story: the importance of family. Although Mickey and Don got little screen time-development, it was great to see the issues between Leo and Raph (the star of the movie) and show the importance how even when you are at odds with your siblings, family still comes first, since family is the best team you could play for. I think is a good messages for kids (and the fan parents of those kids). The final face off versus the bad guys speaks louds of how a family/team can defeat any odds just by trusting each other and working together.

I could go on and on about the movie, but it will all praises (yes I'm THAT biased), so I will just say: I LOVE BEING A TURTLE.