Another new blog - Star Wars in Limerick

I started another project I've wanted to do for a loooooong time. I'm retelling the entire Star Wars saga in limerick format. I started doing this on a forum a few years ago, and now looking back...those limericks were horrible. So I'm starting from scratch. Follow on http://starwarslimerick.blogspot.com/ if you want to track my progress. 

Note To Self

The anonymity of being in a bathroom stall goes right out the window the moment you drop your pants and notice (at the same time as the person in the next stall) that your security ID badge which was hanging at your waist is now down around your ankles.

"Ah...good morning Mr. Talbott. I thought I recognized those shoes."

*plop* "...um....good morning?"

At this point, why even bother closing the door?

My new blog...

Check out my new blog...
http://rephrazer.blogspot.com/

But continue to check out this blog...we might post again sometime this year. :P

What Makes a Blog Good?

Maybe the key ingredient to a good blog is focus. You have to focus on a subject and cover it again and again from every different angle. That is why this blog sucks. It's all over the place. The last 3 posts on this blog are about completely different topics. The last 3 posts were posted in 3 different years too. That's great for continuity. :P

The Sing Off: Season One

I don’t have cable television at home, so I don’t always catch the latest shows when they come out. So it was a year after the fact that I discovered a “new” program on tv called “The Sing Off”, a contest show featuring a cappella acts from around the country with a judging panel including two people who I find very interesting. I don’t remember exactly where I first heard of the show but I think I was reading something online about Ben Folds, one of my favorite songwriter/performers. He would be one of the celebrity judges. The other person of interest was another one on the judging panel, Shawn Stockman, aka “Slim” of the supergroup Boyz II Men. I’m a fan of Folds. I’m a fan of Boyz II Men. Heck, I’m even a fan of a cappella. Since the show “Persons Unknown” met its untimely demise, there hasn’t been anything on tv, until now, that has captured my attention.

That dry streak is now over, from the opening minutes, an ensemble of all the contestants singing an arrangement of “Under Pressure” by Queen/David Bowie, I knew I was going to like it. Over the next hour and a half I thoroughly enjoyed what I saw...act after act coming up on stage, doing their thing and then waiting to see what the judges had to say about their efforts. After the first round of performances, I already had the top two acts pegged. But more about that next time...

First, let’s talk about the host of the show. To my dismay it was Nick Lachey making the introductions. I had a bad feeling about this. But he ended up surprising me. While I can’t say he was outstanding, I will say that he didn’t suck. He just does his thing, introduces the acts and then goes to the judges. He doesn’t detract from the important parts of the show, in fact sometimes you forget he’s there...which is a good thing, in my opinion. When it came time to eliminate one of the contesting groups, he delivered a suspenseful revealing. I was really expecting to find him as annoying as Ryan Seacrest or Joe Rogan, but he wasn’t. Who knew?

The judging panel was comprised of Ben Folds, Sean Stockman, and Pussycat Dolls frontman..err...woman, Nicole Scherzinger. For the most part, I think the show’s producers picked a pretty good panel:

Ben Folds
As I already stated, Folds is one of my favorite songwriter/performers of all time. While his singing voice is not...good, his musical talent in both performing and writing are off the charts spectacular. His songs, while not typically performed a cappella, have the element of harmonizing and blending which is so important in the context of a cappella. His live performances are emotional and full of heart, with great attention paid to detail and nuance. Add to that his witty sense of humor and you have a perfect panelist for this type of show.

Shawn Stockman
My guilty pleasure has always been Boyz II Men. Some of my most heartfelt “performances” are when “End of the Road” or “On Bended Knee” comes on the radio. While this is usually unwitnessed by human ears, on occasion I have horrified my wife with my efforts as the fifth man in the group. But regardless of my contributions to their music, Boyz II Men is great. Any one person in that group has the talent to take the lead of a song and it sounds beautiful. But when all four (now three) voices blend together, it goes to a whole...’nother...level. Shawn’s experience in arranging and performing with the supergroup of the ‘90s, a lot of which actually was a cappella, makes him a very qualified panelist at the judges’ table.

Nicole Scherzinger
And then there’s Nicole...well, two out of three ain’t bad. Going into the first season, I had my doubts. Her claim to fame is as the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls, a group “created for Hollywood” with a revolving door cast of performers who’s talents mainly consisted of “things other than singing”. The group began as a burleque danse troupe with singing later added as an afterthought. All of that aside, Nicole actually is a talented singer, which is probably why they made her the lead singer, but in my opinion, PCD is basically Nicole with some stage dancers, not really a true vocal group. So I wasn’t really convinced that Nicole has the qualifications necessary to be a judge in a contest where blending voices and singing as a group is so key. But I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

An important skill to have when judging in a talent show is the ability to provide constructive criticism sandwiched in between some encouraging words. Of the three panelists, Ben Folds provides the most thoughtful advice to the contestants. He has the knack for putting an overall positive spin on his comments while at the same time giving a pointer or two that can be helpful to the group. His sense of humor shines in these moments which is good because laughter is just what the doctor ordered when a group has just given their all and is awaiting a verdict in front of a national audience. Ben’s words take the tension out and allows the contestants...and the viewers...to just enjoy the show.

Shawn also puts effort into giving helpful comments. Although I don’t personally always agree with the advice he gives, I can appreciate that he puts thought into it and doesn’t just whitewash the contestants with gushing praise. It’s easy to pour out compliments, people do it all the time even when it isn’t sincere. The thing that take skill is to listen to a performance that was done very well, acknowledge that it was done very well and then still have a point or two that can help the performer improve. All of the contestants on the show are very good, so the judges really have to dig deep sometimes to make a productive critique. Very rarely through the first season of “The Sing Off” does Shawn come up empty when it comes time to help the contestant.

As the season went on, I became more and more frustrated with Nicole’s contribution to the critiquing part of the show. I don’t know if it’s a lack of confidence on her part and not trusting in her own opinion or if she really doesn’t have a clue as to what makes a good performance. I find the latter hard to believe as she is a talented singer and performer, so obviously somewhere inside that silly head lies an opinion or two. However instead of communicating those opinions, she follows the lead of the other two judges. You will hear a lot of “I agree with...” or “I feel the same way as...” or “I was right there with...” True, maybe it is possible that she really does agree with whichever panelist just finished talking, but there are two things about this that I find fishy:

Shawn and Ben sometimes have differing opinions. Something that Shawn might touch on is no big deal to Ben. And something that Ben likes, might be a pet peeve for Shawn. But no matter who goes before Nicole...she ALWAYS agrees with them. Case and point, when Voices of Lee performed their rendition of Michael Jackson’s Man in the Mirror, they sang the lines “If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change” in a soft almost whispery voice, a stark contrast to the original where the lines are almost shouted. Shawn’s opinion was that Michael Jackson did it the one way it should be done, because this was the most important message in the song and it should be shouted! This was one of the only times in the show where I strongly disagreed with Shawn, and judging from the boos from the audience, I don’t think I was the only one. Here was the best chance in the series for Nicole to show that she does in fact have her own opinions. However, just like I knew she would, she backed up Shawn’s opinion to a ‘t’ agreeing 100% with the previous comments. Later, Ben put beautifully into words the opinion I was thinking, "I'm not married to the original." Something I learned from studying Ronald Reagan's speeches, sometimes you can draw people into listening more attentively when you speak softly. I’m getting sidetracked, but the point was that Nicole always agrees.

The other thing I find curious about Nicole’s critiquing is noticeable every third performance. Nick Lachey rotates the order that he lets the judges give their comments so that every third time, a panelist will get the first turn to speak. I now have seen the entire first season and came to an astonishing realization. When Nicole has been the first to judge a performance...not one single time has she had any helpful advice for the performers. She has her repetitious one size fits all phrases...”wow, you were doing your thing...”, “I was feeling it and I think everyone felt it...”, “thank you for sharing that with us...” etc. Nice sayings, and I think it’s good to give encouragement to the performers but not one time has she ever led off with “I think you could have done this better if you....(fill in the blank)” The only time she ever tells the contestants how to improve is if Ben or Shawn addresses it first.

I know she has talent but either she doesn’t trust her musical instincts or she is too afraid of being brutally honest with the people she is being paid well to critique. Either way, I’m still waiting to hear what Nicole really thinks.

Now I’ve covered the judges and the announcer, next time I’ll cover the a cappella groups themselves as well as the special performances in the finale, including appearances by Natasha Bedingfield and Smokey Robinson, on stage participation by all three of the judges, and an amazing series highlight...an improv session with Bobby McFerrin!

Lyric of the day

Well my Daddy left home when I was three,

and he did'nt leave much for Ma and me,

Just this ol' guitar and a empty bottle of booze.

Johnny Cash - A Boy Named Sue

I'm not a country music guy...

...but this song puts a smile on my face.

Wordle

I Put us into the Wordle machine

Lyric of the Day

If you come inside, things will not be the same
When you return to the light
If you think you've won
You never saw me change
The game that we have been playing

You Know My Name ~ Chris Cornell

Lyric Of The Day

To continue the tradition...

Taint the mince meat filagree
And it aint the turkey neck stew
And it aint them bruleed
Okra seeds though she
Made them especially for you

Filipino Boxspring Hog ~ Tom Waits

Somebody stole my basketball team!

I can't believe it's true. The jerk from Oklahoma City who bought my childhood team, traded away the good players, and then had the gall to complain about Seattle's "ancient" 13 year old arena, finally finished the shafting job he started and moved the team to Oklahoma City.

That's not even the part that I'm angry about. I had no particular attachment to any of the current players. Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp are long gone. But the team still had the name "Supersonics", the logo, the colors and 41 years of history. This Oklahoman, Clay Bennett, is taking the banners, the records, our 1979 championship trophy...none of that ever had anything to do with Oklahoma City, it belongs in Seattle.

I guess the only thing I can do is resort to name calling. What? The team needs a new name because "SuperSonics" doesn't make any sense for a team from Oklahoma City. There's no aerospace industry there. Let's see...

The Oklahoma City Cow Pies?...That might work, I'm sure there's cow poop in Oklahoma City. But something just isn't ringing quite right with that, it doesn't flow...

The Oklahoma City Slackjawed Yokels?...No, they'd want something more descriptive of the team, not the people out in the bleachers...

The Oklahoma City Weasels?...I'm getting closer, that definitely describes the owner...

The Oklahoma City Basketball Team That is Going to Suck For Another 10 Years, Never Develop a Fanbase in Hicktown, and Have to Relocate Somewhere Else Anyway, Good For Nothing Pathetic Losers...

What? They could use small letters and basketball players are big...it would fit I tell ya!

Indian Thriller: What the hell are they smoking?

Because I want some of it. I dunno if this scary, funny, mind blowing or all of them.

Now I know why they say that Bollywood is an adquiered taste

Lyric of the day.

Heart breaker, soul shaker
I've been told about you

Steamroller, midnight stroller
What they've been saying must be true

Hair Of the Dog - Nazareth

Lyric of the day

If I see you tomorrow on some street in town
Pardon me if I don't say hello

I belong to another, it wouldn't look so good
To know someone I'm not suppose to know

Just Walk On By - Carl Smith

Lyric of the day

No, I ain't seen my baby since uh nigh' on a week.
Gotta get drunk, Man, so I can't even speak.
Gonna get high, Man, listen to me.

One drink ain't enough, Jack, you better make it three.
I'm gonna get drunk, I'm gonna make it real clear.
I want one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.

One bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer - George Thorogood

Guilt Trip, Oscar Style

After the third week in a row of showing up for softball practice and being only one of three people to show up, I decided some drastic action might be required. I sent this little parable to my team mates:

Once upon a time there was a softball team. The team was okay but had lots of room for improvement so they decided to practice. The team was supposed to practice on Thursdays at the Grecian Heights softball fields at 6:00 pm.

One Thursday at practice time the weather was cold and cloudy. Two players showed up at the practice field and waited for their teammates to arrive. They already knew that the team manager wasn't feeling well and couldn't practice that day, but they couldn't figure out where the rest of the team was. "Maybe it's too cold for practice," said the first one. "Maybe it's too cloudy for practice," said the second one. A little disappointed, they returned to their cars and went home.

The next week at practice time the weather was not too cold but there was the faintest trace of of rain. The same two players showed up at the field and this time the manager was there too, feeling better and ready to play. They waited and waited but none of the rest of the team showed up. "Maybe it's too rainy to play," said the first one. "But its hardly raining at all, I don't get it," said the second. "Lets go home, hopefully it will be better next week," said the manager. So again, they returned to their cars and went home.

The next week at practice time the weather was very nice. It was eighty-five degrees and there was not a cloud in the sky. Still, the only people who showed up to practice were the three who were there the week before. Scratching their heads, they tried to figure out why no one had showed up. "Maybe it's too hot to play softball," said the first. "Maybe it's too sunny to play softball," said the second. "Lets go home," said the manager. "Hopefully it will be better next week." When they reached the parking lot, they were suprised to find that a fairy had turned all of their cars into Ferraris.

The End

The moral of the story is twofold.
1. We don't have an air-conditioned practice facility with a roof. Sorry.
2. No, you can't drive my Ferrari. It's your fault you weren't there on the day the Ferrari fairy visited the parking lot.

The day I sent this out, some of my team felt guilty and wanted to schedule an impromptu practice that afternoon.

Four people showed up.

Lyric of the day

I wanted to find the perfect song for Fathers Day, but while I was looking I decided to settle with a song I liked that has "Daddy" in the title. After all it is fathers day, so why can't I get to use the song I want? Anyway, here ya go, enjoy.

I remember back when you were nice and sweet
Things have changed, you'd rather fight than eat

I'm leaving now
I'm leaving now
I'm a long gone daddy I don't need you anyhow

I'm a-gonna do some riding on the midnight train
I'm taking everything except my ball and chain

I'm A Long Gone Daddy - Hank Williams Sr.

Lyric of the day / Johnny Cash Week

A little boy of three sittin' on the floor
Looks up and says, "Daddy, what is war?"

"son, that's when people fight and die"
The little boy of three says "Daddy, why?"

What Is Truth - Johnny Cash

Lyric of the day / Johnny Cash Week

Well, if they freed me from this prison,
If that railroad train was mine,

I bet I'd move it on
a little farther down the line,

Far from Folsom Prison,
That's where I want to stay,

And I'd let that lonesome whistle,
Blow my Blues away

Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash

Doing My Part To Be "Green"

Today I single-handedly saved the environment. Well, okay that's a slight exaggeration of the facts, actually it took two hands. And like many of my proudest accomplishments, it took place in the bathroom.

Do you want to know what I did in the bathroom? (You're not sure, are you?) Well, I made a breakthrough in the area of hand drying. There has been much debate over whether using paper towels or a hot air dryer is the most "environmentally correct" method of drying your hands. I resolved this debate today while attempting to retrieve a towel from one of those motion sensing towel dispensers that worked even better than it's engineers could have imagined.

I waved my hand in front of the motion sensor. Nothing happened. The Force is NOT strong with this one. "This contraption is the worst of both worlds," I thought. "It uses electricity and leaves behind litter. What a crummy invention."

I tried to wave my hands again. Nothing happened. Do or do not. There is no try. "And it doesn't even work," I continued. "Technology is supposed to make our lives easier? If I could just pull the towel out myself, I'd be out of here already."

I waved my hands again. Nothing happened. I have a bad feeling about this. "Maybe this thing does save electricity, I don't think anyone plugged it in."

I waved my hands again. Nothing happened. I find your lack of towels disturbing. "This thing is bad for the environment and it is seriously doing bad things for my attitude."

I waved my hands again. FINALLY!! I was able to dry my hands. YAHOOOOO! You're all clear, kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home. No, no towel ever came out. It's just that all that hand waving evaporated every bit of moisture from my hands. No electricity, no waste, no litter, no nothing, just dry hands. I think Winged Lion would be proud. The ever climbing odometer on my carbon footprint was, for a few seconds, put on pause.

And then I went out into the parking lot and fired up my old Dodge, blew black smoke all over the place, and went home.